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Never Stop Dreaming
- cathy mogler
- 18 hours ago
- 5 min read
By Susan Bolinger
There are some dreams that God plants so deeply within our hearts that giving them up feels impossible. For me, that dream was to become a mother.
Infertility became one of the hardest journeys I have ever walked. It was a road filled with doctor appointments, fertility treatments, surgery, and five heartbreaking miscarriages. Year after year, I heard the painful words, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Bolinger… the test was negative.” I smiled through baby showers while quietly grieving in private. I celebrated with friends who were expecting while wondering why my own prayers seemed unanswered.
There were seasons when worship didn’t come easily because my heart hurt so deeply. I wrestled with questions and wondered why God had placed such a strong desire in my heart if it was never going to happen. Yet even in the silence, He was working in ways I couldn’t yet see.
As if the waiting wasn’t difficult enough, there came a season when it seemed like everyone around me was expecting a baby. Between our families, our workplaces, our church, and even our neighbors, there were seventeen young women who were pregnant.
Seventeen.
With every announcement, I smiled, hugged necks, and genuinely celebrated with them. But when I was alone, I cried. Every pregnancy announcement reminded me of the empty place in my own heart.
Then my thirtieth birthday arrived.
Instead of celebrating, it became one of the most difficult days of my life. I remember feeling as though time was slipping away and my dream of becoming a mother was slipping away with it. The weight of disappointment felt unbearable. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never face the world again.
Not long after that, I came to my breaking point.
At the time, I worked with a young woman who was preparing to have her third abortion. She openly used abortion as her method of birth control, while I stood there desperately praying that God would allow me to have just one baby. I simply couldn’t understand it. My heart was shattered.
After work, I drove straight to my church, walked into the sanctuary, and fell to my knees at the altar. I cried harder than I had ever cried before. Through tears, I poured out every hurt, every disappointment, and every question before the Lord. Finally, I prayed, “Lord, I can’t do this anymore. You have two choices—either place a baby in my arms or take away this desire completely. I cannot carry this pain one more day.”
Looking back, I’m not proud of how raw my emotions were that day, and I later apologized to the Lord because I was angry. But I’ve learned something beautiful since then: Our Heavenly Father is not intimidated by our grief or offended by our honest tears. He already knows every pain hidden deep within our hearts, and He lovingly invites us to bring it all to Him.
The five babies I miscarried were never forgotten.
I asked the Lord to give me a mother’s intuition about whether each baby was a little boy or a little girl. I lovingly gave each one a name. Then I prayed one of the most tender prayers I’ve ever prayed: “Jesus, would You tell my babies what their names are? And would You tell them how much their mama loves them and that I can’t wait to meet them one day in Heaven.”
I wrote each name in the pages of my Bible so I would never forget them.
That simple act didn’t erase my grief, but it brought a measure of healing that my heart desperately needed. It reminded me that every life matters to God, no matter how brief, and that one day every tear will be wiped away in His presence.
What I couldn’t see then was that God wasn’t withholding His promise. He was preparing me through the process.
The Lord wasn’t saying “no”; He was teaching me to trust Him until He could say “now.”
Sometimes we think if God gives us a dream, the journey should be easy. But often, the process shapes us long before the promise arrives. My struggle with infertility gave me compassion for women carrying silent burdens. What once felt like unbearable pain became part of my testimony and one of the ways God now allows me to encourage others.
Then came the day I’ll never forget.
After several years of praying, believing, waiting, and trusting, I learned I was pregnant—not with one baby, but with twins.
Only God could write a story like that.
In His perfect timing, it felt as though God had given me double for my trouble. The joy that filled my heart that day is impossible to describe. Every tear, every prayer, every disappointment, and every moment of waiting suddenly had purpose. God had not forgotten me. He had simply been writing a different timeline than the one I had imagined.
Those two little boys became the fulfillment of a dream I had carried in my heart for years.
Motherhood isn’t always easy, but it has been worth every moment of waiting. Watching my sons grow into good, hardworking young men has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.
I’m also grateful for my husband, Randy, who has been an incredible father from the very beginning—changing the first fifty diapers because he insisted that “No one could do it better,” spending countless hours throwing footballs, baseballs, and basketballs with our boys, and faithfully helping me cover them in prayer through every season.
Looking back, I realize the greatest miracle wasn’t simply becoming a mother. It was who God shaped me into while I waited. He taught me perseverance when I wanted to quit, faith when I couldn’t see the outcome, and surrender when I longed to be in control.
Sometimes God doesn’t immediately change our circumstances because He’s first changing us.
Maybe you’re holding on to a dream that feels impossible today. Perhaps it’s a restored marriage, a prodigal child, healing in your body, a ministry God has placed on your heart, or an answer to a prayer you’ve prayed for years.
Can I encourage you?
Never stop dreaming.
Not because every dream unfolds exactly the way we imagine, but because the God who places dreams in our hearts is faithful. Sometimes He fulfills the dream exactly as we prayed. Other times, He gives us something even greater than we could have ever imagined. Either way, He never wastes the waiting.
His delays are never His denials. While you’re waiting, He is working. While you’re praying, He is preparing. And while you cannot see what He is doing behind the scenes, He is faithfully orchestrating every detail according to His perfect will.
One day you may discover, just as I did, that God’s greatest work wasn’t only to fulfill your dream—it was to transform you while you waited.
So keep praying. Keep believing. Keep trusting.
God is still writing your story.
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalm 37:4 (KJV)
Please use this as a pull quote: "Sometimes God doesn't immediately change our circumstances, because He’s first changing us."
Susan Bolinger is the author of the book Bloom – A Process to Achieve Complete Forgiveness. She has a YouTube Channel where you can follow her video series “Forgiveness in Five.” To order a copy of Susan’s book and for more information about her ministry, check out the links below.
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