.png)
It doesn’t take long as a mother to notice that children can be unkind at times, to put it mildly. We can never imagine when we bring our babies home from the hospital how much it will hurt the first time our child gets mowed down at the play area, our baby is the one left out of a playdate, or a mean-spirited classmate hurls an ugly insult at our precious little one. Eventually, we realize that not only will our children be on the receiving end of those hurts, but sometimes our child may also be the one initiating the pain.
How do we raise more caring children? What does the bible say about teaching our kids? We are all familiar with Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” As Christian parents, we believe that training should originate from the ultimate training manual, biblical scripture. One of the primary foundational verses on how to raise children can be found in Deuteronomy 6:5-7. It says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
Our job is to love the Lord with everything we have and to teach our kids to do the same. We all learn by example, especially children. Our kids are always watching us. They see what we value, and they understand the difference between what we say and do. No lecture, Sunday school class, or biblical lesson can replace what they observe as we read scripture, pray, and interact with family, neighbors, and our daily encounters. If they notice us going out of our way to help others, standing up to injustice, and choosing our words carefully when we are angry, they will see we love Jesus because we are loving our neighbor as ourselves.
The guiding principle that most of us learned growing up was the Golden Rule- treat your neighbor the way you would like to be treated. And when Jesus was asked which of the commandments was the greatest, He responded that the first and greatest commandment was to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. – Matthew 22:37-39
There is no magic formula that will guarantee we will raise a child with a kind heart. I am definitely the first to say that parenting is the most humbling experience on the planet, and I often fall short.
I am not an expert, however here are a few tips that our family strives to instill as we aim to build caring hearts in our children through empathy, support and love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7):
Pray. This is an obvious one, but it can’t be overstated. We are not in control, God is. We need to pray that our children will seek a relationship with God, and that he will protect and find favor with them. At all times, especially when our children are going through challenging phases and question their faith or develop friendships we don’t support, or handle a situation in a way we don’t approve. Likewise, when we don’t handle situations in a way that we are proud of, and are ashamed that our children have observed us behaving in a way we know is not ideal. Prayer and God’s grace covers our shortcomings.
Talk (and Listen). This changes and evolves as our kids grow. Keep it on their level, but try to point out and recognize when they handle a situation in a way that you admire or inappropriately. I was recently told by another parent about a situation where my girls (13 and 15 years old), were in a group setting and they stepped in and stood up for another child. My daughters felt another friend was being unkind. It was a great opportunity to discuss what they did right, and how they can help others. Conversely, while driving carpool I have heard discussions that were not supportive or caring and intervened. Those situations also lead to discussions. The important thing is to watch and discuss as opportunities arise.
Serve. Find a place where you and your child can serve, ideally together. Whether it is your church, a nonprofit, or even informal opportunities to help a neighbor, spend time together helping others. Serving together is a great way to put into practice loving our neighbors as ourselves. When my son was a baby he started coming with me to deliver meals to homebound seniors with Meals on Wheels in Virginia. He continued on and received his service cord at his high school graduation for volunteering, and has now started volunteering at a food pantry while away at college. My daughters and I volunteer together with an organization called National Charity League which provides opportunities for mothers and daughters to volunteer together. Serving together shows your children that you value sharing your time and efforts to care for others and it gives you an opportunity to bond with your child over the shared experience.
Cultivate Friendships with Caring Friends. Our children will make friends with individuals at school when we are not present. However, they see the types of friends we surround ourselves with and how we help and assist our friends when they are in need. By modeling being a good friend and caring for others, it helps our kids understand what healthy friendships are. We can also try to steer them toward friends we recognize, showing caring attributes such as listening actively to others, being patient and forgiving, and offering help without expecting anything in return.
It is our responsibility to provide our children with the guidance and example of how to behave in a loving and caring manner as Jesus loves us, but ultimately their application of that knowledge is not our charge.
Jeff Wells, Head Pastor of WoodsEdge Church, has a wonderful perspective on the issue. In his Father’s Day message, If I Were Starting Over, he said, “If your kids turn out great, don’t take too much credit, and if your kids don’t turn out so great, don’t take too much blame. We are not in control.
God made our children as eternal, immortal beings, and we are not God. We are completely dependent on God’s grace and mercy.”
Janelle Romano is a busy wife and working mom of three children living in The Woodlands, Texas. She is a work in progress and is continually striving to let her light shine for Jesus, channeling her creative energies to grow The Sisterhood.
Comments