Grieving with Jesus: Healing After Addiction and Betrayal in Marriage

I never expected my marriage to turn out this way. I never thought I’d have to grieve something that was still alive, still standing—at least on the outside. But when addiction and betrayal became part of my story, I realized that grief wasn’t just for things that had physically died. It was for the dreams, the trust, and the love that had been broken.

At first, I didn’t know how to grieve. I had always been strong, always found a way to push forward no matter what. That’s what I knew how to do—just keep going. But God stopped me in my tracks. He showed me that I needed to sit with the pain, to acknowledge what I had lost, and to allow myself to truly feel it. That was the only way healing could begin.

If you’re in this place right now, if your heart is shattered and you don’t know what to do with all the pain, I want you to know—you are not alone. Jesus is with you in this. And grieving with Him is not just about surviving; it’s about letting Him heal you.

Navigating this grief is not easy, but there are steps we can take to move forward in healing. Not to rush the process, not to dismiss the pain, but to surrender it to the One who can redeem even the most broken places.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

This was the hardest part for me. I didn’t want to stop and feel the pain—I wanted to push past it. But God showed me that healing doesn’t happen when we ignore our wounds; it happens when we acknowledge them.

I thought I had grieved. I cried a lot. I felt sad. But there is more to grieving than that. It took my counselor saying to me that she felt like I was disconnected from all the pain I had been through and that I needed to take some time and sit with Jesus about all that I had experienced. 

Grief is necessary. It is a natural response to deep loss—the loss of trust, security, and the future you envisioned. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away; it only buries it deeper. And unprocessed grief will find a way to surface, often in ways that hurt us even more. Cry if you need to. Journal your thoughts. Sit in the quiet with God. Let yourself feel the weight of your emotions, knowing that Jesus, too, wept in sorrow. Grief is not weakness—it is part of healing.

2. Who Will Be Your Support?

Grief can be isolating, but you don’t have to walk through it alone. One of the things that helped me most was having people around me who reminded me that I wasn’t alone—friends who would pray with me, a counselor who helped me process my emotions, and loved ones who simply sat with me in the hard moments.

Jesus Himself had people around Him during times of suffering. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He asked His disciples to stay and pray with Him. If even Jesus sought support in His most painful moments, how much more do we need it?

Ask yourself: Who can be a safe place for me right now? Who can I be honest with about my pain? It’s okay to lean on others. You were never meant to carry this alone.

3. Fully Acknowledge Your Pain

For a long time, I didn’t want to face the full weight of what had happened. I would minimize it, tell myself it wasn’t that bad, or try to numb the emotions by staying busy. But the truth is, healing can’t happen until we acknowledge our pain for what it really is.

One of the most powerful things I did was write a letter to God. I told Him everything—every emotion, every hurt, every question. I didn’t hold anything back. And instead of feeling ashamed for being so honest, I felt relieved. God wasn’t shocked by my feelings. He wasn’t disappointed in me for struggling. He was there, grieving with me.

Have you fully acknowledged your pain? Have you allowed yourself to feel it instead of pushing it away? Jesus is not afraid of your heartbreak. He sees it, He understands it, and He wants you to bring it to Him.

4. What Have You Done to Cope With Your Grief?

When we are in pain, we often look for ways to numb it. For some, it’s busyness—filling every moment with distraction. For others, it’s unhealthy coping mechanisms—numbing through food, alcohol, or toxic relationships. I had to ask myself: Am I truly processing my grief, or just escaping it?

Take a moment to reflect. How have you been coping? Are you turning to God or running from Him? Are you allowing yourself to feel, or are you avoiding the hard emotions? Healing requires us to confront our pain with God’s help.

One thing that helped me was worship. Even when I didn’t feel like praising, I played worship music in the background. The lyrics became my prayers when I had no words. It shifted my focus from my brokenness to God’s faithfulness. Maybe for you, it’s journaling, counseling, or even just sitting in silence with God. Find what allows you to process your grief in a way that leads to healing, not avoidance.

5. Embrace Healing and Hope

One of the most important parts of grieving is embracing the hope that Jesus offers. For so long, I felt stuck in the pain. But slowly, as I kept bringing my grief to God, I started to feel something new—hope.

Hope that my story wasn’t over.Hope that God could redeem what felt broken beyond repair.Hope that my heart could be whole again.

Healing is not about fixing the other person. It is about letting God restore you. Whether your marriage is redeemed or your path takes you in a different direction, know that your healing is not dependent on another person’s choices. It is found in Jesus.

Sister, I want you to know that you are seen, loved, and held by a God who specializes in redemption. The road to healing may not be quick or easy, but it is possible. Keep leaning on Him. Keep choosing to heal. And know that you are never alone.

A Final Word: You Are Not Alone

If you are in this place of grief, I want you to hear me: You are not alone. I have been there. I have felt the weight of betrayal, the ache of addiction’s impact, and the struggle to trust again. But I have also felt the gentle hand of God lifting me up, guiding me, and reminding me that I am His.

And you are His, too.

Take it one step at a time. Allow yourself to grieve. Surround yourself with support. Be honest about your pain. Reflect on how you are coping. And, when you are ready, step into the healing and hope that God has for you.

Your story is not over. God is still at work. And He will carry you through.

This scripture was so important for me during my grieving process with Jesus and I hope it encourages you as well. 

Psalms 126: 5-6  says, Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” 

(New International Version)

Jennifer is an Inner Healing Mentor, Christian Life Coach, and Speaker who helps women navigate the deep pain of addiction, betrayal, and family crises. She walks alongside those who feel isolated in their struggles—women who love God but feel unseen, shamed, or unable to be real in their church communities. Through inner healing prayer, mentorship, and authentic conversations, Jennifer creates a safe space where women can process their grief, release control, and rediscover their true identity in Christ. Her mission is to break the silence around struggles the church often avoids while guiding women to break free from religious expectations, striving, and performance- leading them toward true healing, freedom, and restoration.