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Balancing Dreams and Faith in Uncertain Times
Have you ever mapped out the course of your life, meticulously detailing every step and envisioning a future painted with your dreams? But what happens when life veers off course, challenging our sense of control? When the unexpected disrupts our carefully laid plans? As women of faith, how do we balance our desire for control with trust in God's sovereign plan when things don’t go how we thought they would?
Here is a story of one woman’s journey and how she had to lean close to her Father in Heaven to get her through her darkest days.
In 2021, Gretchen Harper and her husband Kevin left the mountains of Colorado for the piney woods of Conroe, Texas, seeking a fresh start and a new adventure for their family. Just two months into their new life, tragedy struck when Kevin passed away suddenly, leaving Gretchen to grapple with widowhood, single parenting, and questions of faith. Turning to the Holy Bible for solace, she embarked on a healing journey, determined to find meaning amid heartache and grief.
“Kevin and I met in August 1996 when we were both working for a division on Young Life in Colorado Springs, Colorado. It was a group home for troubled teens who were emancipating from foster care or finishing up their juvenile sentence,” Harper said. “So, not a typical Young Life!”
They started dating in March of 1997 and by October, they were married.
“We had both been working on our master's degrees in counseling but decided not to continue pursuing that degree. Kevin went into the mortgage business and I went into Real Estate. In 1998, I moved into financial services and Kevin followed the year after. Together, we built a financial services business for 23 years.”
Gretchen was just 23 when she and Kevin tied the knot, and they weren't in any rush to start a family. Like many couples, they assumed that when they were ready, it would all fall into place.
But by age 28, “when we decided it was time, nothing happened,” Harper said. “Despite initial tests showing no issues, the road to parenthood seemed blocked. Seeing friends struggle with
in vitro fertilization made me hesitant; I didn't want to jeopardize our marriage in pursuit of children.”
Because of a seed planted by Young Life, their hearts were open to adoption. They wrestled with the idea for five years, feeling the weight of uncertainty. Finally, in January 2011, they took the leap and submitted their paperwork for foster-to-adopt in Adams County, Colorado.
“In July, we were official, and the calls began pouring in,” Harper said. “The second call was for Jacob, a spirited 4-year-old boy. We said yes, and my heart overflowed with gratitude. He became ours in May 2012, just before Mother's Day. Then, in August 2012, another call came this time for Bentley, an 18-month-old bundle of joy. Nine months after Jacob's adoption, Bentley officially joined our family in February 2013. It's true what they say … God has a sense of humor!"
Kevin began taking Jiu-Jitsu classes in 2017 with a bunch of law enforcement guys in Denver.
“He loved it and he made a whole new group of friends,” Harper said. “They challenged him on the mat and he challenged them off the mat, it was pretty cool. He would find himself hanging out for hours after they were done ‘rolling’ because a guy would want to talk to him about his marriage or kids or religion.”
Harper said that what he found is that many men were struggling in life and many were curious about God but had been hurt by Christians or something that happened in the church. From this, the vision for a podcast came to Kevin, and in 2019 he launched a podcast called "Bad Ass Dads." “It was guys doing life together, being real and authentic. Talking about life, fears, struggles, and victories,” she said. “Kevin realized that it is lonely at the top and guys need a ‘Band of Brothers.”
It ran successfully for two years and he recorded over 100 episodes. The podcast is still available to listen to and you can sign up for the newsletter at https://www.badassdads.org/.
“Kevin and I lived in Colorado for 25 years and loved it there! In 2020, we decided it was time for a change and a family adventure! In July 2021, we moved to Texas. It is a lot to leave all you know and love and start over, but we were together,” Harper said.
They found a house in Conroe and closed on it in July. Then, they sold their business in Colorado. In August, the kids started school and sports. Then, on September 4, 2021, Kevin suddenly passed away.
“WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I was a 46-year-old widow with two sons, ages 10 and 14 years old, in a town and a state that we had just lived in for two months! Why would a loving God do this!? I don't know. Isaiah 55:8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.” Harper said.
As she grappled with the unthinkable loss of her beloved husband, a flood of emotions threatened to overwhelm her. "Why," she wondered, "did God let this heartache hit us just when we had finally found hope and happiness?"
She described her circumstances like this: “Have you ever been to a parade? Life is like a parade. You see a pie shape of it … a little of what has passed by you, what is in front of you, and a little of what is to come. God is above the parade, He sees it all, your whole life,” she said.
“There is nothing outside the sovereign will of God. So, I do not know why bad things happen to good people, but I do know He is a loving God. The truth is that God doesn't owe me anything. He already gave it all to us when he died on the cross. He demonstrated His love for me, for all of us, when He sent His son.”
During this devastating time, Harper read Psalm 91:1-2 in the Bible for comfort. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord. "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."
“You can't live in the shadows of something if you are not close to it,” she said. “To live in the shadow of something, you have to be close to the thing giving the shadow. You need to be close to God to be in the shadow.”
She started a journey to heal and grow daily, finding strength in her faith. Even though the future was uncertain, Harper didn't let despair take over. She believed that even in the darkest times, God's love was a constant support, leading her to the light of redemption and renewal.
“If you have ever experienced an unexpected darkness, a silence, a stillness you are not used to, I understand,” she said. “I've been there. Please know that these seasons are not for nothing. They will grow you, shape you, and soften you. Most importantly, they will allow you to experience God's comfort and compassion.”
“I had to realize that for me, the opposite of faith was not fear. For me, the opposite of faith was CONTROL. I had to let my grasping hand open up, and when I did and chose faith, it gave me the courage to heal and grow.
“Sometimes we are so far out of our comfort zone that it's hard to remember what it is like to feel okay. The voice in our head whispers, “This is how it's going to stay…” Give that to Him!” Harper said.
“It's an interesting place to feel and know God's goodness and faithfulness, yet still feel the sting of grief. It's okay to tell Him that you don't like any of this pain. But don't let the pain cause you to pull away from Him or others. Bring Him all your emotions. Hand Him every piece of your broken and hurting heart. Ask Him to use all of this for your good and His glory,” she said.
In Episode 106 of the BadAss Dads podcast, two years after the death of her husband, Harper’s son Jacob is interviewed by her late husband’s friend, Justin. It is a compelling episode where the two of them are discussing the pain of life, from not just surviving, but to thriving, and how Jacob handled the death of his dad.
“The day (my dad) passed was the hardest day of my life,” Jacob said.
Justin asked him if it was okay to have bad days.
The young man, with wisdom beyond his years, said, “The bad days are what helped me find my good days.”
Today, (Gretchen) Harper is raising two young men on her own and moving forward in life with Jesus by her side. Jacob is 17, starting his senior year of high school, and Bentley is 13, entering his eighth-grade year.
“Single-parenting is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I have good kids! I am thankful that our family has always had an open communication style and I feel like the boys and I have continued that. I realize that boys derive their masculinity from other men. Men teach each other how to be men, their mom can't do that.”
“Kevin believed every man needed a "Band of Brothers" and he lived that. He had a large group of guys he poured into and could count on. So many of those men have jumped in there for our boys,” she said.
One example is her late husband had some milestones that he wanted to be intentional about with their boys. One was when they turned 10, they would get a trip with just him and his dad. Jacob got his trip and it still has an impact on him today.
“The year Bentley turned 10, we moved to Texas, so his trip didn't happen right after his birthday like Jacob's did and then Kevin passed away that year so Bentley didn't get his trip with Dad,” she said. “He struggled with that!”
“One of our closest friends, Joshua Miller, knew the importance of this trip and brought it up to me about 6 months after Kevin passed. He asked if Bentley ever got his trip. When I told him no, he asked if he could step in for Kevin and take Bentley. He did and it was amazing for both of them! They chose Florida for their trip. Kevin had friends all over, so Joshua reached out to some of the guys in FL and made sure they got some time with Bentley on the trip. They all poured into Bentley! I am still so thankful,” she said.
Harper is thankful to God for how He has taken care of her and her boys these past few years.
“Death has refined me in a lot of beautiful ways. I am grateful for where I am and who I am becoming,” she said. “I was very transparent the past two years after Kevin passed. I wanted people to see us walk through the valley, not because of us or our strength, but only because of how God brought us through it. God walked before us, alongside us, and behind us every step of the way. Long before this, He was preparing the way.”
“There are so many signs in our life … like that band of brothers Kevin had built! They showed up for us in so many ways over and over. When you sow into people's lives you will reap and many times you will reap in places you never even sowed! That is the goodness of God. Whenever I think I need to take the reins of control, I bring myself back to choosing faith and letting God write this story!
In Episode 105 of the podcast, Harper comes onto the show and talks about her husband, how the podcast began, and the power of choice.
Kevin loved people and had a large band of brothers and an inner circle of best friends. At jiu-jitsu, he rolled for an hour and sat in the parking lot for 2-3 hours talking to other men on faith, family, and the struggles of life, she said.
“I realized we can’t be silent anymore. I am quite certain I will never be the same person I was (before Kevin died), and the podcast will never be the same. Different isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just different,” she said. “And a Badass life lived for Jesus leaves a lasting legacy, no matter who is behind the microphone. Kevin would be dishonored, if his (family, friends, and band of brothers) quit, and our Lord would be dishonored. It’s time to make a choice to get back after it.”
Right now, she is unsure of God's plans for the podcast and is praying about it.
“Last fall, we planned for Kevin's friend to host, but his busy life made it difficult. Her son, Jacob, has an interest in taking it over, and I believe he would be amazing at it,” Harper said. “I'll keep praying about the podcast. Meanwhile, all episodes are still available, and I regularly receive messages from men who are still impacted by Kevin. In addition, it has been the greatest gift to my boys to have over 100 recordings of their dad talking about life, the struggles men face, and victories.
Harper wants to encourage others who are going through a storm. She believes in the power of resilience, faith, and community support to help others find their way to calmer, brighter days.
“I know it can feel hard to trust God's promises when it doesn't feel like He is listening or when He doesn't seem to know how desperate you are for a miracle,” she said. “Maybe the real miracle is that we still have our faith! It may feel clunky and worn some days, but I still cling to it! To the one who has experienced true brokenness yet can still breathe and pick up the pieces....there is the miracle...YOU! You are the miracle!”
Author; Kimberly desires to see women embrace the transformative power of Jesus, guiding them toward a life surrendered to His love and grace. Through her words and actions, she strives to reflect the light of Christ each day, inspiring others to embark on their own journey of spiritual growth and renewal.
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