The Joy Battle

“The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10, New International Version).

As believers, we have the capacity to be the most joyous people on the planet. But are we? Am I? Sadly, the enemy knows the immense power of joy to carry us through the most challenging circumstances and will do everything he can to shut it down.

The degree to which I was living joylessly was driven home many years ago when I was a homeschool program director. I walked into one of the classrooms and immediately smelled something noxious like bleach. I asked the teacher what it was and she so sweetly replied, “It’s Joy oil. I’m wearing it as a perfume.” We laughed it off and I said well I guess I need more joy then! A little while later I was at my chiropractor’s office and shared the story. She stopped me and said, “Nicole, what we need for our bodies most often smells the worst.” It really woke me up. I began to wonder why I wasn’t experiencing joy like I knew I was designed to have?

Here are a few of the reasons:

• I was in survival mode

• Negative thoughts were predominant 

• I didn’t “get” grace

Survival Mode

One of the things I could talk about for days is the nervous system. Get me going on the Polyvagal theory, the parasympathetic rest and digest system, and I get all kinds of fired up. The reason is, I lived in a sympathetic dominant state for years following the traumatic loss of my dad to suicide.

I now understand that my hormones and digestion were literally in the ‘off’ position as I lived on high alert waiting for the next shoe to drop. Not surprisingly, stress, fear, and anxiety do not mesh well with joy or peace for that matter.I began to learn how to not only identify which nervous system state I was operating in, but then what to do to change things. I like to think in terms of colors and encourage my clients to keep a log to identify which state they are operating from over the course of time:

Sympathetic - fight or flight - anxiety, activated, go, go, go - RED

Parasympathetic system - Ventral Vagal - Rest, digest, heal, and reproduce - GREEN

Parasympathetic system - Dorsal Vagal - the shut down, give up place - BLUE

What has helped me most to move out of either the activated or shut-down states into a place of joy and peace, is knowing God’s love. Not just head knowledge but having tasted and seen experiences of His nearness, kindness, and acceptance of me, no matter what others’ opinions of me may be.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18, English Standard Version).

Negative Thoughts

Unfortunately, our thoughts can tend toward negativity if left unchecked. Gratefully, the Lord already knew this and admonished us in Philippians 4:8 to think about things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. We are also invited in Romans 12:2 to renew our minds to God’s truth. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, we are instructed to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Every thought, not every other or every once in a while. Every single one. It’s a big deal!

What we look for (whether negative or positive), we will find. If we are only lazily looking for the painful stuff: rejection, shame, failures, and flaws, we’re sure to find them. Meditating on pain only begets more pain. By focusing on the good stuff, we train the reticular activating system in our brain to go look for more of the same. To accomplish this practically, I created a “Tada” journal. If you try this too, choose the most painful area of your life and in a journal, go on a daily “good fruit” hunt with the Holy Spirit. Write down every little bit of forward progress. Then celebrate—especially with others doing the same thing! It changes everything.

Grace gift

Grace. What a gift. For years, I didn’t “get it” though. Yes, I was a saved, sanctified, on-my-way-to-heaven believer, but grace was only a concept I understood in my head, not in my heart. Turns out that an 18-inch journey is the game changer. 

Living as a Type A, perfectionistic, workaholic, I knew something had to change, otherwise I was going to implode. Weary, worn out, and nearing burnout, I got in the bathtub one night and told God I wasn’t leaving until I “got” it. It was my own Jacob wrestling with God experience. Gratefully, He came through. For hours, I poured over teachings, Scriptures, and explanations about grace. The bathtub water may have become cold, but something fiery was heating up in my spirit. I finally got it. It was 1 or 2 in the morning when I finally understood, and I literally wanted to run around the house shouting. “This is really, really Good News!!” What changed? The Lord revealed how I was trying to “live the life”, like the foolish Galatians, in my own strength, despite my salvation. “O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?...Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” (Galatians 3:1, ESV).

That night led me down a journey of moving off living on the hamster wheel of self-effort into living as a windmill powered by the Spirit instead. I love Louie Giglio’s definition of joy: “Joy is gratitude rooted in grace no matter the circumstances.”  

Have I arrived, and all is perfect now? Nope! There is a battle for my joy, and for yours too, and we must continue to fight the good fight of faith until we are home with our Savior. Today, as I write, is the 20th anniversary of my dad’s suicide. Joy is elusive when I focus on the losses only…my health, his wisdom and signature humor, experiences we never had, and more—so much loss. Instead of focusing on this, though, I will choose to continue looking for the “good stuff”, I’ll get real with safe others, renew my mind to truth, breathe deeply, choose gratitude, and live from the grace-fueled joy Jesus died to give me. I hope you’ll join me. And I hope you’ll wear Joy! It smells wonderful!

As a Health Restoration & Joy Coach, Nicole Roth empowers the “hard on herself” woman of God to live as a much-loved daughter: held, healed, and whole, and to restore from the damage done due to striving: over-functioning and over-serving.

Wife to David of over 20 years, mom to 3 young adult daughters, an autoimmune warrior of 20 years, and former dietitian, Nicole is most at home in her kayak, out on a hiking trail with her dogs, in her hammock, or hanging out in her camper!

The means Nicole uses to be a catalyst of change, healing, and growth include coaching, community, and courses plus in person nature adventures and retreats! For mote information please visit Nicoleroth.com